“So far as I am acquainted with the principles and doctrines of Freemasonry, I conceive it to be founded in benevolence and to be exercised for the good of mankind.” – George Washington
Recently I had lunch with my mother and Tracey (my sister). We were in Quincy where Mom lives with Laura (another sister). Sitting in the kitchen, lunch is over and all cleared away, Mom is at the head of the table and I’m opposite her. Tracey is sitting between us. We’re doing what we do when we get together which is basically talking about everyone else that’s not there. What, like you don’t do it!
So, Mom starts talking about a conversation she had with Dad’s sister Mary. All of a sudden Tracey jumps out of her chair and goes across the room to where the microwave is plugged in. She yanks the plug from the wall, turns around (all the while waving the plug around) and says as she points to the plug, “Do you know they call this a male?” She then turns and points to the outlet and says, “And that’s called a female?”
I look over at Mom who is looking at Tracey as if she has lost her mind. I have no idea what the expression on my face looks like but I’m striving for neutral. She then explains that she learned about the male/female thing when she was volunteering on the playground committee at her daughter’s elementary school. She and another mom went shopping to by some supplies for a presentation they were giving. The other mom suggested splitting the shopping list to get it done faster. She would get all the “male” parts and Tracey would get the “female” parts. She seemed a little disgusted with her new knowledge.
She then proceeded to tell us that this was all decided by the Free Masons since they control everything and they can’t be trusted. At that, she leaned over, plugged in the plug and calmly sat back down. Mom and I just sat there trying to absorb it. I remember asking some questions but don’t really recall them.
Later, Brian and Mike (Tracey’s boys) came to visit. By that time, Tracey had moved into the living room to play with little Sean. As the boys get their lunch, I decide to ask them if they’ve heard about their mom’s theory on Free Masonry; they had not
I’m now standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the back hall, Mom is standing off by the side counter, Brian is standing in front of the table and Mike is sitting down, eating. I start the story and almost immediately I’m overcome with laughter. Not just the giggles. Nope. I’m laughing so hard, I’m doubled-over, holding the doorframe. I’m not making any sound and tears are running down my face. When I finally got the whole story out, complete with reenacting the plug pulling and waving, neither of her boys looked surprised.
I’m not sure I’ve captured the surreality of the whole episode but it’s has become one of my favorite memories of my sister and I love that I now have a villain to blame for all my woes, real and imagined.
Fucking Free Masons!
Thanks to Tracey for being a good sport and letting me write about her.