a life avoided

sucked into the cesspool of my past I am confronted with
what might have been
what could have been
how close I came to drowning in the artificial lake of hate and stupidity
grinding out eternity in misery
spite my only companion
I drink it down with gin and tonic
and discount cigarettes
a sonic boom of rage lashes from my pores as I whore myself out for another vicodin to dim the pain and acrimony
the trials of my existence are etched into my face rumored once to be unlined with beauty and promise
now a map cruelly lined with decades of poor decisions and alcoholism
of children birthed and forgotten
sent to fend for themselves in a world hostile to their existence
while I play russian roulette with my sanity and wait for death to finally claim me and drag me to the grave
marked by a stone slab inscribed with here lies another broken by poverty
sacrificed to the patron saint of debauchery
no one mourns me or my promise snuffed out long before I understood the world had choices

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