a heart, betrayed, seeks normalcy

water ripples
on the underside of my skin
as it retreats
leaving behind flesh
that is malleable and soft
suddenly too large
it is conscious of its wrongness
it seeks a normalcy that it scant remembers


for the first time in forever
it thrums
seeking a memory
that for so long
lived just outside its grasp

Is #winning #working?

So I saw the cardiologist today and before I jump in to what happened I have to say that the Shapiro Cardiovascular Center at Brigham and Women’s is awesome. I have never, not once, been taken after my scheduled appointment. In almost FIVE YEARS!! Most times I’m taken early. Today, I was taken almost a half hour BEFORE my appointment. I never feel rushed. Labs, tests, follow-ups – everything about the place – is pure professionalism! Love!!


#winning is helping. I’m still where I was six months ago relative to the Left Branch Bundle Block (LBBB). I was disappointed that I hadn’t made any progress but my doctor decided that we’re taking the status quo as a victory because of the #winning philosophy. I feel great, I’m thirty pounds (yup) lighter and eating much healthier than ever before and exercising regularly. (BTW, he told me to cut down walking outside while it’s this cold out since the temperature will constrict blood vessels and that is bad for those of us with cardiac issues.) All of these things have given him hope that I can continue to manage my cardiac issues with diet, exercise and medication and hold off at least six more months on making the decision on the pacemaker.

So, yeah it’s working.

Oh, after I got finished bragging about basically changing my whole life, I inspired Dr. Lewis to take his diet more seriously. Plus, someone told me they thought I was about eight years younger than I am. That’s not #winning, that’s #kickingass.

Which is totally going to be my new motto…

p.s.: I go back in July and will have an echo which will give a more detailed picture of my heart.

Get the rest of the story: #winning

# winning

I know some of you have been following my splash into gluten- and caffeine- free living (now approaching the one month mark!) and recently you may have noticed that I add the #winning hashtag to my updates about walking.

Why #winning?

Well as most of my long-time friends know, back in 2009 I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) stemming from a viral infection that attacked the muscle in my heart. I was really sick. Like almost needed a heart transplant sick. My heart function was really low (15; normal is 60). I had a left branch bundle block (say that three times fast!) which means, basically, that the right and left sides of my heart were not beating in sync and my heart was significantly enlarged. After 8 days in the hospital, fighting with my cardiologist to get more personalized care since I’m not a senior citizen and when I talked to him about long-term I meant at least 20 years and he was all 3-5 years. Yeah, all set with that! Fired him not soon after and found the most amazing doctor in the world (RIP Ken).

Continue reading